Parents aren’t joking when they say time moves incredibly quickly once you have a baby. One part of me feels like Millie (and motherhood) has been a part of my life forever, while the other part of me feels like I was just pregnant. How is it possible I have a one-year-old?
I honestly don’t know how a year has passed since Millie was born, but here we are! Motherhood is a wild and beautiful ride and I’ve learned a lot in these 12 months. I know that I’m still just at the beginning of my motherhood journey, but here are the big lessons I’ve learned so far.
1. Everything is a stage
I will admit that I really struggled in the first few weeks of motherhood. I heard that the first couple of months are simply about surviving, and I felt that. Everything felt hard and also like it would never get better. The good news is, it really does get easier. Of course, some things get harder as your baby grows, but what’s important to note through all of those changes is that everything is a stage and those stages change and evolve.
In the early days I spent around five hours a day breastfeeding and it felt like that’s how it would be forever. Eventually (months later, mind you), breastfeeding sessions took five minutes instead of 40. And during those weeks when there was a blowout diaper literally every single day (lots of clothes were thrown out!), it seemed like that was just going to be life from now on. Eventually that stops. And finally, the first eight or nine months were characterized by a lot of spit up. Every outfit I put on was covered in spit up within a few minutes. I smelled like sour milk every day. And yes, even that stage ended and eventually I could wear something without ruining it.
When you’re in it, these hard moments seem like they will never end. Will my baby stop spitting up? Will we get through a day without a blow out? The answer is yes. In the thick of it, it seems like it will never pass, but it does. And you will get through it.
2. Some things will be harder than you expected and other things will be easier
I was nervous about breastfeeding. I really wanted to be able to do it but I was warned about painful latching, the horribleness of mastitis, and many other challenges women face. Though I had read about how wonderful breastfeeding can be and how it’s the best option for baby’s nutrition (though I do believe fed is best!), it seemed really hard. The first few weeks were absolutely challenging and uncomfortable, but overall, breastfeeding did come relatively naturally to us. I know I’m lucky and I never even dealt with the slightest big of engorgement.
On the flip side, some things I didn’t realize were going to be really hard were. For me mainly, that was recovery from childbirth. I didn’t have a particularly traumatizing or out of the ordinary birth story (you can read about it here), but my recovery felt incredibly slow and if I’m being honest, quite terrible. It made me question whether I had a low tolerance for pain or if things were worse than some other women experience (or at least what they talk about openly). And even though this was really hard for me and I felt terrible for literal weeks (maybe months), this did eventually pass. And yes, I’d totally do it again.
You can worry a lot about different elements of motherhood, but until you experience it yourself, don’t get yourself worked up about it, because you don’t know what your journey will be. I’m glad I had the warnings of breastfeeding challenges and I wish I had known more about recovery. Being prepared is great and knowing what you might experience helps to feel ready, but don’t stress yourself out about it.
3. You will worry a lot
I had this very intense feeling of worry and even dread when Millie was just a couple of weeks old. I was so worried about everything. When she was in the carrier, could she breath? At night when she slept, could she breath? OK, a lot of my worry was around her being able to breath. The overwhelming feeling I had was that this was now part of my life. I questioned if I would ever be able to relax again, or would I be incredibly worried ALL OF THE TIME? This stressed me out.
And though I do still worry, I am far more relaxed than I was during those first few weeks. I’m not exactly a chill mom, and I’m coming to terms with that, but I’m far less anxious than I was in those first few months. Expect to worry, but know that will happen in waves and doesn’t mean you will be at a heightened sense of worry for the rest of your life.
4. You learn as you go
The learning curve for motherhood is insane. A tiny brand new human is depending on you to make sure they are safe and taken care of, and the training for this incredibly important job is quite small. I took a two-hour childcare class and read some books. How else can you prepare? Honestly, you can’t. You can read all the books in the world and even babysit all your life. Until you are thrown into the deep end, and you will be, you won’t know. And then you learn, really fast. If you’re in the first few weeks of motherhood and feel totally unprepared, know that everyone feels that way. And you will learn how to be the best mom to your baby.
5. You will sleep again
I look back on the first few weeks of parenthood and laugh about the sleep system we had set up. It truly made no sense. We did some weird combo of sleeping in the living room with the bassinet and sleeping in our bedroom, meanwhile we had a nursery totally set up that had a pullout. Eventually we found our stride and figured out a better sleep situation. Motherhood did make me realize that I’m pretty good at functioning on very little sleep, but fortunately, eventually your baby will start sleeping through the night and you will too.
6. Newborn snuggles don’t last
Everyone told me this but I didn’t really get it. Everyone says to soak up all the newborn snuggles because very soon they are gone. Since the first few weeks of motherhood are a total blur and it seems like you’ll be stuck in that whirlwind forever, it’s hard to imagine that your very sleepy baby will eventually not fall asleep in your arms. But they do. And it’s true, those newborn snuggles are gone before you know it, so enjoy them while you can.
7. It’s OK to want to hold your baby all the time
People have mixed opinions on this. Some say you shouldn’t hold your baby all the time because then they will be stuck in a cycle of wanting to be held. Other people say enjoy it while you can. I’m in the latter camp, enjoy it! They are only so tiny for so long and if you want to hold your baby all the time, I say go for it. You can’t get that time back.
8. Your priorities will change, and that isn’t a bad thing
It’s OK that parenthood changes what is important to you. I do look back on my pre-baby life and how different it was. It can be sad to think about your life doing a complete 180, but that’s what life is. It’s about growing and changing and it’s totally fine for your priorities to change.
9. You can still care about your body
I’ve always cared about what my body looked like, too much at certain points in my life. Motherhood has been eye opening because it’s made me change the emphasis I put on it. I’m proud of my body for carrying a baby, nourishing a baby, and caring for this child, and all of that is separate from what my body actually looks like. As any woman can agree with, your body goes through a lot during pregnancy, labor, and postpartum and it’s been a real journey. I do still care about what my body looks like and also what it is capable of, but with those changing priorities mentioned above, it hasn’t been such a focus.
I was shocked at how little I cared about what I looked like in the first few months postpartum. Primarily, I was mostly just proud of what my body accomplished. But then after some time passed, I felt really conflicted because I did once again care. I felt like I shouldn’t care, because shouldn’t I just celebrate that my body has done some incredible things? Shouldn’t this be more important than stretch marks and extra pounds? You can feel both ways, you can celebrate your body and you can want to change it. I’m still struggling with those mixed feelings, but realize it is totally OK to want to look and feel a certain way. And it’s healthy to put an emphasis on fitness, nutrition, and other activities that make me feel my best.
Motherhood is quite the roller coaster of ups and downs, and though there are things I do miss about pre-baby life, I’m very content with the way life is now. It has been interesting to think back on the lessons I’ve learned and how much I’ve grown into this new person over the last 12 months.
If you’re a mom reading this, I’d love to hear a lesson you’ve learned from motherhood, please share it below in the comments.
